Month: February 2019

While I’m Waiting


Adoption update: there’s not one. At least not yet. For those of you wondering where we are in the process, everything has been turned in, t’s crossed and i’s dotted, and we have set up camp here in the “waiting place.”

Let me be quite honest–I’m not very good at waiting sometimes. I am unfortunately a product of my generation in many ways, the generation of instant everything. I have fast food, texting, and everything I can imagine at my immediate disposal through the phone I carry in my purse everywhere I go. How did any of us ever survive without that little device? (insert sarcasm) And while sometimes instant can certainly be a blessing, let’s be real. It’s really not doing any of us a favor. Unfortunately, the result from instant everything is the breeding of a grown-up version of toddlers. We want what we want when we want it. The end. Cue the tantrums.

But this waiting place, I’m finding, is proving to be a really beautiful place. There is so much to learn, soak in, and appreciate when everything is, once again, completely out of my control and all I can do is trust that God’s wisdom and timing are infinitely perfect and completely in line with His plan, which by the way, is so much bigger than me. His plan is kingdom-minded, eternity focused. (Sidenote: let me add I’ve not been waiting that long. I’ve only been “expecting” 6 months!)

And something else I’ve learned about waiting– it is sanctifying.

Waiting teaches me to pray. It slows me down to not just rattle off my requests to God, but to stop and listen to His still, small voice. It reminds of the truth that says if I delight myself in the Lord, He will give me the desires of my heart. And I know that if I’m delighting in Him, I’ll ask for His will to be done and not my own.

Waiting teaches me that roadblocks and setbacks are, more times than not, blessings. It’s so hard to see them that way when we’re in the thick of it, but sometimes what looks like the “perfect solution” would be so much less than perfect. It might actually be the worst. So I’m reminded that when obstacles come, they first have to filter through the hands of God, who knows exactly how to accomplish His own plan.

Waiting teaches me to reconcile my faith and my feelings. When I’m tempted to be fearful, doubtful, or discouraged, God hasn’t ever changed nor has He left me alone. I’ve certainly learned this more than I ever have the last year or two. No matter what I feel, He’s still close to me and diligently working, bringing all things together for good.

Waiting teaches me contentment. Truthfully, while a new baby will certainly bring joy, I can’t look to what our future family will be to find my ultimate fulfillment. I can choose to be joyful right now, in the waiting. Not to sound cliche, but my lasting satisfaction can only come and will only come from learning to be content in Christ–nothing more, nothing less. Even if we adopt 10 children, they cannot bring me the same joy that Jesus does. So waiting reminds me to lean closer to my Savior and find rest in Him. My joy is found in all that HE is.

I don’t want to waste this season of waiting by hoping for the next-best-thing. I’m praying that I remain thankful for each stage of this adoption, as each one has proven over and over the faithfulness of God. I can’t wait to tell Caroline all about it one day!

If you’re reading this, I’m sure there are some of you who may be in a “waiting season” of your own. So many reasons for that could be listed here, but I can promise you one thing–while you’re waiting, God hasn’t forgotten you. He’s got His eye on you, His arm around you, and His hand guiding you. While the timing and details may not seem like a blessing, if you look and listen closely, there are so many things He wants to show you while you’re waiting. Most of all, He wants you to love Him the most.

So, I’ll keep waiting with joy and confidence in the Lord, knowing that He is working for me, and not against me. Maybe next time I write, they’ll be some GREAT news to tell, but if not that will be ok too.

“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord (Psalm 27:13).”