Patience. Now there’s a word that will make most anyone roll their eyes or cringe at the very thought of it.

Ask anyone, and most people will boast of how little patience they show to others or in the waiting of daily life. And when I say boast, I mean it. Lack of patience is almost spoken of in a bragworthy tone. “Patience is just not my thing.” “Don’t pray for patience, or God will test you.” “I’m just not a patient person. That’s not who I am. I can’t help it.” You get the idea.

Actually, I get it really well lately. Our adoption waiting game has gotten the best of me on more than just a day or two recently. Our t’s are crossed and our i’s dotted. All of the things that we can physically control are in order. Yet, here we sit waiting on the Lord to do his perfect work of bringing our daughter into our lives at the perfect time, and I’m spiritally pacing the floor. Cue the control freak in me! The force is strong!

Y’all, I want to wait this thing out so well. I want to be able to tell my daughter how I joyfully waited for her and prayed every day without an ounce of doubt or worry. I desperately want the Lord to be pleased with my heart and how we trusted Him fully with every step. And while most days I can honestly say that’s true of me, sometimes my flesh gets the best of me and I fail. I find my patience wearing thin, and I have a conversation with God where I inform him how we could get this ball rolling if He’d just let me help!

The last few years of our lives have been put through the fire. From the moment we conceived our Collier in early 2017 until now, having handed him and our baby Isaac back to the Lord, we have been tested. In triumphs quickly followed by brutal disappointment, we have waited for three years now for another baby in our home. I don’t say that to get pity or sympathy, I promise! I simply write that to say, patience is hard. Being faithful to the Lord isn’t always a walk in the park. Waiting can be exhausting, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

And so, on the hard days, I have to go back to the Word of God.

I look at Hannah, who while she longed for a child, postured herself at the altar in worship. She poured her heart out in humility to the one who knows her best because He made her. He heard her prayer, blessed her, and answered in His time.

I look at Abraham and Sarah who were barren until they were well advanced in years (Lord, please let us adopt before we’re 80 years old!). They remained faithful (except for the Hagar thing) and God answered in His time, above and beyond what they expected.

I look at all those who prayed and prayed and prayed and kept the faith when it seemed to their eyes nothing was changing. Yet, God always came through in a way that no one could take credit for but Himself!

I look at Galatians, which tells me patience is a fruit of the Spirit. While I want a baby, what I want more is for the character of Christ to be developed in me so that people praise Him, not me.

And, I look to Jesus. I will keep my eyes fixed on Him because He is perfect, and everything is beautiful in His time. I will not boast in patience or the lack there of, but I will boast in Jesus. He will keep giving me the ability to wait, a reason to wait, joy as I wait, and a payoff at the end that is totally worth it.

Lord, I will wait on you. You are worth it, and so much more!

-Amy